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Dear Readers:

Three years ago, when "The Reunion" was first published, I braced myself for letters from fans about the "controversial issues" I had raised in the novel, particularly around abortion and race. To my surprise, I received absolutely NO letters about either of these topics. This beautiful letter from byrdie is the first that I've ever received that discusses race, and its impact on our contemporary s/m scene.

Dear Ms. Antoniou,

I'm currently reading "The Reunion," and I just wanted to thank you so much for describing Desmond and Tequila's plights so thoughtfully in your work. I am a polyamorous American black woman, nearly 40, in her first kinky relationship with a white man who is 6 years my junior. Our dynamic works and flows so smoothly that I rarely thought about the larger issues until days or weeks after fairly serious public play happened.

Eventually, through a lot of reflection, I came to terms with the fact that I seem to be a rarity in my community, perhaps one of those rare few who might end up paving the way for others who look somewhat like me rather than having the comfort of knowing that I can look over and see others like myself in similar situations. That my situation is sometimes lonely, scary and concerns me, but that it is my situation. I chose it, and I love it. I love beating my personal best as far as endurance or service goes. I love my Daddy with all my heart, and find an almost frightening joy and preoccupation in pleasing him.

I have very few illusions about being a "real slave," what some might consider a lifestyler, etc. I didn't start doing this to compete with other people, real or fictional. But it meant so much to me to curl up last night and read what Desmond confessed to Billy-Ray, or that Tequila later told Desmond herself. It's not comfortable, it's not easily understood, and some may actually consider me unhinged for my choices.

Oddly, I ended up coming to terms with being a kinky black submissive in a similar way to Desmond. At one point, a dominant began to talk to me in a Foghorn Leghorn voice while I serviced him, and it was all I could do not to laugh around his anatomy. Months later, I ended up bottoming in a Southern-style slavery scene with a black woman who wanted to play the spoiled plantation owner's daughter. Both scenes bent my brain, but at the same time they helped me realize that the main limits of what I can accept are in my head, and that I have control over those.

In some ways, I wish that I had forged ahead with your "Marketplace" series sooner and read these stories while I was still agonizing. However, in retrospect I consider them a treat of sorts, a reward for having done a certain amount of the groundwork already.

I hope that the new month finds you well, and again I thank you.

byrdie
- of Seattle, in service to John Black

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